9th

Yesterday don't know who the hell, search "Jane yoong blog" at google. WTF~ In this world got how many jane yoong sia? LOL. Need to search de meh?

If nothing happen, i will be looking forward to fri/sat outing de. But it was a nightmare to me. =( Everything changes in a day. Everyone say "oh, you find a better one la, dont worry." Is sound easy but it seem to be hard. If really is true, then the world there won't be any jerk around le. I keep telling myself, stop thinking about him can, he doesn't even treat u like a friend anymore, what for still thinking about him. Sigh, i hope i can do it, but is just too hard.
Will you say Yes again?

What if one day, i suddenly disappear from this earth? What you will tell me?

Every lyrics that i post, i damn true. My feelings, my thought, my love.

Shall learn driving next week onwards, nobody going to help me this time. And i really have to depend myself le. For everything. Wanted to ask about iphone thing, but I don't have the courage to do it anymore.

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I´d miss you so'
Loneliness up ahead
Emtiness behind
Where do I go'

And you didn´t hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know'
Still I miss you somehow

From the bottom of my broken heart
There´s just a thing or two I´d like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
from The Bottom Of My Broken Heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love,
I never knew love
Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

"Baby," I said,
"Please stay
Give our love a chance for one more day"
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what love´s all about

But you put a dart
Through my dreams
Through my heart
And I´m back where I started again
Never thought it would end

From the bottom of my broken heart
There´s just a thing or two I´d like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love,
I never knew love
Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

You promised youself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here

From the bottom of my broken heart
There´s just a thing or two I´d like you to know
You were my first love,
You were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love,
I never knew love
Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

" Never look back" we said
How was I to know I´d miss you so'

8th

Don't know what to blog today, nothing much happen.

All the memories just flash back, out of the sudden i feel like living in this world is unmeaningful so . Don't know why, maybe is just he left my side suddenly. And this time, he is really leaving me all alone. =(

Everyday life is so fucked up, sleep, wake up, go work, go home, sleep, wake up. Totally no life at all. Can i do something special? Hais, i still lost my direction. What's the first thing should i start?

You leave me breathless.
不爱孤单 一久也习惯
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管
感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话 随便听一听 自己作决定


Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to these rules
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

PS: I wonder that person remember what i ask you to do de mah? I am waiting everyday. =O Please help me!

Is 7th day le, I can't imagine everything happen on last week.

Today during work time, i was thinking that if he is this kind of person? Yup, i think so. Once he met a new girls, he will easy fall in love and that how he fall in love with me =.=. Before me, there was a girl he like but didnt get together. So i must consider this 3 years, i am lucky that he didn't meet any new girls lor. LOL. FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!

My life is really fucked up man, I don't know what to do or rather say i don't have any motivation le. What i want? What i need? What i am doing? I know nothing. I want a life can make me happy everyday. I need a man who can really care for me. =.= I am doing something useless.

Just now browse through a video on facebook, i find that video is quite true to what i am feeling now. And everyday finding songs that match my feeling. Just like listening to 原谅我.


Im sitting here
Thinking bout
How im gonna do without
You around in my life and how am I
I gon' get by
I ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
You want the truth
Well boy im not alright
Feel out of place and out of time
I think im gonna lose my mind

So tell me how you feel (im lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (i think of you)
Baby still (are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (its like everyday i die)
Wish i was dreaming but its real (when i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that i will never love again

I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguments
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here its clear to see
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live, I wanna die
If I cant have you in my life

So tell me how you feel (im lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (i think of you)
Baby still (are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (like i dream of you all the time, so lonely)
Oh let me tell you how it feels (its like everyday i die)
Wish i was dreaming but its real (when i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again

True true true. =(
Someone please save me~
PS: Now i realise once i am alone, i will think about you. The past of our relationship. =( Is ending too fast, to fast till i stare in the blank. Couldn't have time to think what should i do. I am sad!

Thanks for reading my blog everyday. =) LOL! Is a sunday and I am stuck at home. Toning session ytd with rx, xl, jy, jk, tl and wg. But jk, tl and wg went home around 4 plus, so ended left 4 of us ton till 6 am in the morning. Was quite fun day because we had long time didn't gather together le. Plus all of us are single too. And they welcome me to join them "Single hood life" LOL. This is first thing that i wanted to do all along. =) We have heart to heart talk, somehow i have a stubborn mindset now. They advise me alot, is just that i don't want to do it. Sigh!

Like what u all say time can cure everything, i hope is true. Till now, he never left my mind before. Even i sleep, i will still dream of him. Wherever i go, i still think of him. Just a one word, I Miss You.

I am willing to suffer all this by myself. As long as you are happy, i am fine with it.
Because of me, you change your heart.
Because of me, you change to be heartless.
Because of me, you lost your freedom.
Because of me, you living in pain.
Because of me, you are not happy.

Me this kind of person, will never get into another relationship again le. Unless i can meet another person like you, but it will never gonna to happen to me de. I have u as a BF, is my fortune but for u is just a torture. I believe this 43 month of relationship, u were the one making me happy but i only brought u suffering. And now is my turn to give u happiness and i will suffer it. I say before, if i have another chance, i will still want to be with u. Is just that there won't be any chances anymore le.

If you get to be with that girl together, just treasure and treat her well. I believe that girl can bring you happiness and both of u will be happy.

Guess tonight, i cant sleep at all. Just told them that i dont have tears for him anymore but don't know why today..... Sigh, maybe i know something that hurt me.

A can of beer = my sleeping pills.

Suddenly everyone is reading my blog. LOL, is because i being dump and everyone is reading the joke? Haha... Who care? =)

I am sick now, love sick and physical sick. Was thinking why the hell i will get flu? Crazy weather that make me sick. Plus heartbroken too. Shag lah~ =(

Today went to Ubi just for my ftt internal evaluation test, took cab there yet the stupid uncle doesn't know that place well. Fuck! $7 just for the fuck cab fare, took the test less than 20 minutes and left the place. Took 93 then 238 then 142. Kinda of stupid, and was hoping to see him nearby. but.....Sigh!

Eat medicine just now but later shall eat 2 more. FML now.

I think i am the world stupidest women bah, suffer for a long time but i can forgive what he did for me. Yup, hate person, i will rather forget what he done. My life turn upside down just for a word. Hais~

Is the 4th day already but it seem like years.
Sigh~ I thought i already forget about you but i still do the same thing whenever i on my laptop, searching for you. Wondering what you doing now, all this? But why the time seem to be so slow.

Ytd i did something stupid, i shouldn't have msg/call you. I am sorry because i was half drunk half awake, i don't know what i am doing. Till this morning, then i read the msg again.
Firstly, u say we can be friend back. - but u seem to be avoiding me and doesn't willing to do it too.
Secondly, u say u nearly want to fan lian when i went to find you - you still have the face to fan lian? LOL. But at least if u tell me the truth everything face to face, i wont be so suffering like now, and we might be best friend too. you were the one who destroy this r/s and friendship.

Honestly, i though actually u will say some comfort words to me ytd but u didn't. Hais, people do change and i didn't expected you will change so much. Why u become like this?

I try to make u happy for this few months, and u show me attitude, lost game throw temper at me, hungry also throw temper at me. I thought i did something wrong and let u throw temper at me but i was wrong, u just making use of me. treating me like nobody. Even thought, you were treating me nasty, i still endure and nv give up on you. I nv thought of giving up on you. Maybe i just stupid~

All along, i was waiting for u to say break up with me. Because i dont want to hurt you, i rather be the one hurting. So now you did it, i dont want u to suffer what i have now. And i know you wont feel sad or guilty, is because i am already nothing in ur heart. When the moment you change you DP, status at fb and all the passwords, i already know you wanted it so damn much. Seeing me suffer, will u actually care as a friend?

My friends was so shocked when they saw me drunk. I don't want to cry infront of them anymore and i chose to cry alone. The pain i suffering now, you will nv know. Because you got "lover" and game.

I already plan what to do and give u during ur birthday and our 4th anni. And now everything had gone.

U promise me to bring me to taiwan, but it was just a lie.
U promise u will love me forever, but u say just for the sake of say.
U say u will nv leave me, but u leave me alone.

We got alot of things not done yet, and there is always a thing i want to do is to develop our photos. And this thing suppose to be our 4th anni present but now i will just keep it. I wont throw away anythings that u gave to me, because those things were brought for me when u love me. At least, i know you love me before.

The love you gave me once, i will never forget. Because there was the only time, you really treat me as your gf, "wife", everything in your life. Time will nv goes back anymore, I dont know how long i can be ok.

Ok, i not going to change my blog url or what. And all of you already know that we had broke up on monday. He chose to break up with me because mainly he say HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE~ If this was the reason, he should have told me earlier but he chose to hurt me so painfully. And he also fall in love with a girl which he met at IT fair. Is like WTF! You are suppose to go there and work but u actually go there and fall in love? FUCKER! I damn trust u so much and i didn't do anything betray u, this is the fuck result i get from you.

You want me to let go u? U think is easy? I know u already let go of this r/s long time ago, u were so heartless that u were the one i know. I nv know that u were so heartless, heartless till was a pain to me. And now I only have to make myself drunk to forget about you, do you know how hurt i am?

If u want to break with me, u should do it clearly and straight forward. Still use sms to tell me, and i got so many question mark? If u told me when i was at home, i will cmf berserk. But u chose to tell me during when i am work, i cant even do a thing in proper. And whatever i do was all wrong. I was crying all the way when i went to meet them at hougang. You say a word "break", had already destroy my life, i lose all my directions, my dream had destroy. EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF YOU, now i have to make myself suffer so that i can forget about you.

But what about you? Starting to msg her already? I think you actually meet up with her. You say you won't woo her, you say you guilty. Yet you still have the face to do all this to me? Even you say is not because of her, you will also break up with me. Ya, maybe yes....But you were the one is immature, you think carefully that we countiue also not use. you say break jiu break, nv thought of how i will felt?

On sunday, after i left ur house, I was so happily walking home, but in few hours later, u wan break jiu break lor. And i really didnt expect you 说了再见 才发现再也见不到. And that was the only time you say goodbye to me.

Actually you already plan everything le, if not the moment you ask, immediate you change ur status at FB, password all change? Do you actually have to be so rush? And now, whatever i do, where ever i go, u were just in my mind. But i doubt u wont feel sad or what. Because i didnt hurt you at all.

I still got alots of things that you promise to do with me. But u change ur heart, change to another person. u show ur true face out. U are not the jin han anymore.

011106 - 210610
Had ended

How can I don't be sensitive? Someone tell me what to do? Every minute and second, i keep thinking. Why everything are so coincident?

Actually what they said are right, I am just making myself suffering. Because I keep everything to myself and I bear all the pain to myself too. I don't want to trouble my friend just to listen to my unhappy relationship stuff. And I am not allow to complaint/say/talk about my feelings to him. That's why, I become so emo. =( Hais.

Yesterday I called someone for 1 hour, but that person didn't bother to answer. 52 miss call. =) In the end slept at 2 am plus and wake up 6 plus, yet i still late for work. I think i should copy my brother to break record for not sleeping for a week, but i going to break my record to sleep 6 hours everyday bah.

Sigh~ I can sacrifice my life for you, how about you?


PS: 大方一点啦，Jane~

Start playing game lo......... I only can be stalker and follow behind quietly. =)

Update my blog since I got nothing to do.
I going to start work on Monday which is 14 June.
Working as billing assistance, just like data entry bah.
I know it will gonna be a bored job but hopefully I will like it. =)

I really doesn't know actually you really concern about my stuffs so much, really glad that you actually wants to help me. Thanks my friend. =)

I dont have the courage to say out my thoughts and feeling,that why I chose to use crying to avoid everything. I really didn't know you notice me that I actually had a difficult time. Although I am now, but i really hope time will help me to get rid of those unhappy things.

Don't worry about me, even there isn't I can turn but I wrote out my feelings in my secret book. At least, I chose to write out. =)

Watching 天才衝衝衝 on youtube now.
Because I do all things by myself. Play game to myself, talk to myself, laugh to myself, share trouble to myself because there isn't anyone willing to play with me, talk to me and listen to my trouble. =(
Sound pathetic, yes indeed. =.=
Hope tomorrow can hear good news.
And happy moments won't last long. =(

I can't ask anything and all i can do is endure. No matter how sad/unhappy, i still have to endure. Hais. Life suck. I need someone to listen to my pain~~~~~ =(

原来孤单是很恐怖~ I finally realise what is the feeling for lonely. I got no one to turn too when i am feeling so down. Not even BF, because he banned me from talking to him. Hais. Can't blame him, is my fault.

Totally H-E-A-R-T-B-R-O-K-E-N! Really feel sad when I heard that someone scold me because I didn't want to work. I really really try my best to find le. Nobody will understand my feeling bah.

=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(

你的笑 你的好 脑海里 一直在绕
我的手 忘不了 你手的温度
心碎了一地 捡不回 从前的心跳
身陷过去 我无力逃跑
说再见 才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉
说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱 一分一秒都好
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛